I have struggled with levels of depression since I was a pre-teen. My mother would beg to differ, but therein lies the source. In the beginning, I didn't recognize it. In college it persisted, but I was learning more about it.
I got a handle on it by focusing on my mom and trying to understand her. At this point I felt fine most of the time. I didn't have much self-esteem, but this wasn't new.
After I college I moved to Northwest Arkansas for law school. Shortly thereafter I met Joseph. I still had moments of self-deprecation that he hates, but I was still OK.
We got married, got good jobs, and had a couple of kids. Life was (and is) good.
However, after I had Rylee my hormones have been all kinds of messed up. I had to go off the pill about 3 years ago because of blood pressure issues, and man do I miss it. LOL!
Seriously, I become a basket-case, crazy person right before my period. I feel worthless and hopeless. I feel like a completely failure about everything. I'm testy and cranky and weepy. IT SUCKS! I HATE IT!
I usually beg God for help through my mostly silent sobs. Joseph and I end up talking about it when I'm not so "delicate" of mind. I have better months when I think I'm trending out of it, and then I have months like this one when it's horrible. It may have been the worst yet.
I don't want to take prescription pills because I have a strong feeling about it. I think they are mostly misused and abused, and I don't want to rely on them for the rest of my life. Plus, I'm totally normal most of the time. ;)
At this point I'm hoping to find some time to research some more natural remedies - foods, supplements, etc. I have to find something to deal with this. I don't want my kids to see me crazy any more than they already have seen it. I don't want to see the hurt on Joseph's face while I try to struggle through it alone so as not to bother him while he holds down the fort. There has to be a better way, and I will find it.
~Heather
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