Changes they are a coming

Wow! What a day! I've debated and debated what I was going to write about if anything. It felt like a good day to not write at all. As I was laying on the couch with my head in Joseph's lap it came to me that I needed to be honest and tell the story. It also dawned on me that I think I've been censoring myself to some extent with my blog. It wasn't intentional. I've just been hesitant to write about some things because of who might read it. How dumb is that? This is supposed to be me being me. DUH! Here goes. . . Benchmark Group, my regular job, had another layoff today. I think it was the 6th in the last 3 years. I started as employee number 120 (or so), witnessed the company balloon to almost 400, and I'm almost (pending a departure next week) number 31 on the seniority list. I was not let go today, but I did take a pay cut - a fairly substantial one. At first, I was totally fine. There was actually a part of me that had kind of hoped I'd get laid off, but that could be a whole other post. Then, I started doing the math, talked to Joseph on my way to the house (I was taking food for teacher pot luck and volunteering at the book fair today), and I was OK. I got the food delivered to school and thought I'd have an hour or so before I had to be back for book fair. However, the pick up line had started and blocked me in a full 30+ minutes before school is over. I was not a happy camper. I called and talked to my mom for a little while, but it wasn't the conversation I was needing. In the silence of the car the magnitude of the day hit me. I cried. I didn't bawl until I managed to get away from the school, but I did so all the way home. After I got home I messaged Joseph for some reassurance that everything would be OK. He promised me that it would. I got myself together and went back to school. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it all. I knew things were about to happen at work. You could feel it in the air so to speak. It's just such a slap in the face to work so hard for 11 and a half years and feel like it's for little of nothing. That it means nothing. That nothing you do can make it better. Am I grateful to have a job? Sure. Do I still make good money? Yes. But it's still a pay cut, and it effects my family in a negative way. I'm also afraid the bad news isn't over. We have mandatory staff meetings in the morning, and I still don't know what is going to happen with insurance rates. I know we will be OK as a family. I have faith that there is a reason for everything that happens - good and bad. We will have to make changes in our lives, but we can do it. The biggest hit will be to our debt payoff plan which will probably damage the look for a bigger house in 4 years plan. I want to be more aware of our spending, I want to cut it back where I can, and I'm open to suggestions (hint, hint). I've started a list of things to do to cut back and another one for ways to bring in more money. Right now, I'm just sad. I'll have to get over that before I can move forward. I need to pray. I also need to get to bad because I caught the kids' cold or whatever and am terribly sniffly. Plus, I'll have Rylee tomorrow as soon as I get away from work because she can't go to school tomorrow due to a fever this afternoon, so I'll need to be rested to keep up with her. LOL! Sorry for the length. I'm just being me - the good and the bad. ~Heather